Resources

Zilbergeld, Bernie (1999). The New Male Sexuality. Bantam Books.

This book is a classic must-read that addresses the most urgent questions of men and of partners who love them. Bernie Zilbergeld reports findings from his twenty years as a psychologist specialising in human sexuality, as well as those of other experts in the field. He shares his own experiences and those of his clients. The result is the most comprehensive guide ever to enhancing desire and arousal, focusing on pleasure rather than performance, and keeping sex exciting and fulfilling.

Kaplan, Helen (1989). PE - How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation. Routledge.

This book offers a comprehensive approach to managing this condition. The book is based on therapeutic methods that have proven effective for 90% of men suffering from Early Ejaculation. It offers a practical self-help program full of useful exercises.

Hope Springs is a 2012 American romantic comedy drama film directed by David Frankel, written by Vanessa Taylor, and starring Meryl Streep, Tommy Lee Jones, and Steve Carell.

Kay and Arnold are a middle-aged couple whose marriage has declined to the point where they are now sleeping in separate rooms and barely interacting in any meaningful, loving way. Finally, Kay has had enough and finds a book by Dr Feld, which inspires her to sign them up for the Doctor's intense week-long marriage counselling session. Although Arnold sees nothing wrong with their 30-year-long marriage, he reluctantly agrees to go on the expensive excursion. What follows is an insightful experience as Dr Feld helps the couple understand how they have emotionally drifted apart and what they can do to reignite their passion. Even with the Doctor's advice, Kay and Arnold find that reigniting their marriage's fire is a daunting challenge for both of them.

Good Luck to You, Leo Grande is a 2022 sex comedy drama film directed by Sophie Hyde and written by Katy Brand. The film stars Emma Thompson and Daryl McCormack. The story revolves around a woman who seeks a young sex worker to help her experience pleasurable sex.

In GOOD LUCK TO YOU, LEO GRANDE, two-time Academy Award winner Emma Thompson (Love, Actually) embodies the candour and apprehension of retired teacher Nancy Stokes, and newcomer Daryl McCormack (Peaky Blinders) personifies the charisma and compassion of sex worker Leo Grande. As Nancy embarks on a post-marital sexual awakening and Leo draws on his skills and charm, together they find a surprising human connection.

The Sessions is a 2012 American drama film written and directed by Ben Lewin. It is based on the 1990 article "On Seeing a Sex Surrogate" by Mark O'Brien, an American poet. Paralysed from the neck down due to polio, he hired a sex surrogate to lose his virginity. John Hawkes and Helen Hunt star as O'Brien and sex surrogate Cheryl Cohen-Greene, respectively.

At the age of 38, Mark O'Brien, a man who uses an iron lung, decides he no longer wishes to be a virgin. With the help of his therapist and his priest, he contacts Cheryl Cohen-Greene, a professional sex surrogate and a typical soccer mom with a house, a mortgage and a husband. Inspired by a true story, The Sessions, follows the fascinating relationship which evolves between Cheryl and Mark as she takes him on his journey to manhood.

"What is interesting about the movies that in its depiction of the couple, all three elements of the explanatory (affairs) model are present prior to the affair.

First, both members of the couple are dissatisfied with their lives and become dissatisfied with each other. Winslet begins to resent the suburban life as incongruous with her more bohemian, artistic impulses but begins to see herself becoming the “traditional” housewife, which adds to her dissatisfaction. She begins to take this out on her husband, particularly when her amateur acting fails horribly.

Second, the power differentials are most strongly revealed when DiCaprio's character uses his new position (and increased salary) as more important than their aspirations to move to Paris. In addition, Winslet's character also feels like she loses her power to choose once she becomes pregnant (It was the 1950s and abortion was not an option), so there is a second power differential as well.

Third, the “death of the dream” happens when the couple - who previously agreed that their life had become meandering and hopeless and that moving to Paris would be fulfilling - suddenly find themselves at odds when they realise they no longer want the same thing (he is comfortable in his new position and wealth, and she is miserable). In particular, Winslet realises that she is trapped and will never realise her dream. This is the moment when she has an affair with her married neighbour (who professed that she loved her). However, she does not reciprocate his feelings. Instead, the affair was a way of bringing the underlying frustrations and disappointment to the surface. At the same time, DiCaprio's character confesses to having an affair with a secretary at his office and wants to repair his relationship. Without giving away the ending of the movie, the result is not a pleasant one for the couple.” 

In Peluso, P. (2019). A Family Systems Guide To Infidelity – helping couples understand, recover from, and avoid future affairs. Routledge Taylor & Francis.